Happy New Year, everyone!
As we close out 2009, we are that much closer to getting our baby. We've now been on the wait list over a year, and when we got on it the wait was expected to be at least 12 months. Time frames have been adjusted, and it looks like it'll be at least a few more months before we hear any news. But this much is encouraging: 2010!
2009 was always going to be about the wait. We got on the wait list in December 2008, and we knew that nothing would happen for a year. It would be easy to get caught up in the wait, twiddle my thumbs, and go crazy. Instead, I tried to focus on other things in 2009, and for the most part my life has been pretty much the same. It's strange to have such an abstract experience with "expecting."
So this year was about doing the things that would be more difficult to do (if not impossible) with child: Travel and Remodel. Yep. As many of you may know, Bek and I went to Jamaica in March, and the Austria and Spain in October. I know, I know, you want to see Europe pictures. And as for the remodel, we've been in the middle of it since we got back from Spain! But when it is complete, we're going to be totally dialed in. In the meantime, we're living out of a suitcase, hopping around between places.
Come 2010, we know that's going to be our year. The year we bring home our child. So we're pretty excited about this New Year, more so than I have been about any new year in recent, or not so recent, memory.
So Happy New Year! And with some good fortune, we'll have our baby soon!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Dreams From My Father
I recently finished reading Obama's first book, Dreams From My Father, and adored it. He's a master storyteller AND listener - so rare to have both of those skills! The book covers his experiences from a young child to early adulthood and it was a fascinating story and such a beautiful read. I felt like it gave me a window into some of the things our child might experience or think about while growing up, having biracial parents, so that was really interesting to think about. Highly recommend it for anyone though!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Shiftings
I've noticed something shifting in me as of late. Now when I hear about friends or family that are pregnant it feels like a stab in my heart. I've been going to baby showers for years and I felt like I could separate our experience from other people's and be genuinely happy for others, but now it feels really, really hard. Of course I don't wish any misfortune on others; it's just that this has become so drawn out that I'm losing my ability to be in mommy/kid-centric circumstances. It's not that I don't want to be around parents with their kids at all, it's just events that are focused on motherhood and/or new babies.
I'm sure this is all made more difficult because of my job as a Postpartum Nurse - working with moms and their new babies everyday! Huge irony, I know. I've considered looking for different work, but it's a tough time to find work in the Bay Area, even for a nurse.
So, I'm trying to look at this as a positive sign that I'm REALLY ready for motherhood. Meanwhile, those of you newly pregnant or newly moms, I hope you'll have patience with me.
I'm sure this is all made more difficult because of my job as a Postpartum Nurse - working with moms and their new babies everyday! Huge irony, I know. I've considered looking for different work, but it's a tough time to find work in the Bay Area, even for a nurse.
So, I'm trying to look at this as a positive sign that I'm REALLY ready for motherhood. Meanwhile, those of you newly pregnant or newly moms, I hope you'll have patience with me.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Good News/Bad News
Finally, something and nothing all at once. Nothing in that we're still waiting. Something in that we got a message from our agency with a little update! Good news and bad news, one in the same.
Bad news: as our agency was preparing our dossier to be authenticated and forwarded on to Ethiopia, they noticed that two of the four Power of Attorney forms are no longer valid due to staff changes in Ethiopia.
The good news? They're actually doing something! They were preparing our dossier to be authenticated and forwarded on to Ethiopia! (I know I said that already.) The point is, we've had nothing to go on pretty much since our dossier was approved back in December. But now we know they're doing something. That kind of begs the question, What took so long? Shouldn't this have been done in January? We know that there's a wait, but we figured the back up was in Ethiopia, not at the agency.
Now what? The dossier consists of dozens and dozens of documents, four sets of finger prints, all kinds of financial information, four letters of recommendation, and notarization of many of these forms and docs. The powers of attorney, which are notarized, must then be certified by the Secretary of State of California. Basically, state certification proves that the notary is for real. Whatever. hoops and hurdles. At this point, it's nothing we haven't done before. But it's still a drag to have to do any of it again. And we might have to "update" our dossier if this takes much longer. more on that if/when that happens.
So that's where we're at. We've got some tasks to do again. At least there's something. After months of no real news on what's going on behind the scenes, this is something. I'll take it, though I know Bek's not very happy about it!
Bad news: as our agency was preparing our dossier to be authenticated and forwarded on to Ethiopia, they noticed that two of the four Power of Attorney forms are no longer valid due to staff changes in Ethiopia.
The good news? They're actually doing something! They were preparing our dossier to be authenticated and forwarded on to Ethiopia! (I know I said that already.) The point is, we've had nothing to go on pretty much since our dossier was approved back in December. But now we know they're doing something. That kind of begs the question, What took so long? Shouldn't this have been done in January? We know that there's a wait, but we figured the back up was in Ethiopia, not at the agency.
Now what? The dossier consists of dozens and dozens of documents, four sets of finger prints, all kinds of financial information, four letters of recommendation, and notarization of many of these forms and docs. The powers of attorney, which are notarized, must then be certified by the Secretary of State of California. Basically, state certification proves that the notary is for real. Whatever. hoops and hurdles. At this point, it's nothing we haven't done before. But it's still a drag to have to do any of it again. And we might have to "update" our dossier if this takes much longer. more on that if/when that happens.
So that's where we're at. We've got some tasks to do again. At least there's something. After months of no real news on what's going on behind the scenes, this is something. I'll take it, though I know Bek's not very happy about it!
Awkward comments and questions
It's been challenging dealing with the bizarre comments people make when I tell them we're adopting an Ethiopian child. The most common reactions are:
Many people just fall silent and looked shocked, or may squeeze out one word, like "interesting".
"Wow, how much is that costing you?" This question is most commonly asked by people we don't know well and I find this particularly strange. It's like someone you don't know asking you what your salary is or how much your mortgage is.
"Aren't you terrified that your child will have AIDS?" All the children are tested and screend for HIV, TB, and HepB. If we wanted an HIV+ child, we could have gotten one many months ago because there are many of them and they are not in demand, but we, like most waiting families, want a healthy infant, and this is why there's a wait!
"Oh, you couldn't get pregnant?" This is not only extremely insensitive, but it makes huge assumptions.
"I know someone that adopted and(fill in adoption horror story here)."
"Do you have any real kids?"
"Why does it take so long if those kids really need families?"
"You must be a saint! What a lucky child that will be." More like, how lucky all 3 of us will be! And, we're not adopting to save a child; we're adopting because we want to be parents. 'Saving' a child is definitely a great byproduct of this and we're happy not to be contributing to overpopulation, but these are not the primary reasons for our adoption.
So, this is the kind of bizarro stuff people say that I seem to encounter much more often than Chaat. You'd think nurses would be more supportive, but I guess I work with such a huge cross-section of people from different backgrounds and countries that people have different opinions(or ignorances). Chaat seems to work with more like-minded people. Although I have to say I've encountered these comments outside of my workplace as well, so I probably just talk about the adoption in general more than Chaat does. Anyway, if anyone has some clever comeback responses to these comments I'd love your input. I'm often rendered speechless, particularly in talking with people I don't know well.
Many people just fall silent and looked shocked, or may squeeze out one word, like "interesting".
"Wow, how much is that costing you?" This question is most commonly asked by people we don't know well and I find this particularly strange. It's like someone you don't know asking you what your salary is or how much your mortgage is.
"Aren't you terrified that your child will have AIDS?" All the children are tested and screend for HIV, TB, and HepB. If we wanted an HIV+ child, we could have gotten one many months ago because there are many of them and they are not in demand, but we, like most waiting families, want a healthy infant, and this is why there's a wait!
"Oh, you couldn't get pregnant?" This is not only extremely insensitive, but it makes huge assumptions.
"I know someone that adopted and(fill in adoption horror story here)."
"Do you have any real kids?"
"Why does it take so long if those kids really need families?"
"You must be a saint! What a lucky child that will be." More like, how lucky all 3 of us will be! And, we're not adopting to save a child; we're adopting because we want to be parents. 'Saving' a child is definitely a great byproduct of this and we're happy not to be contributing to overpopulation, but these are not the primary reasons for our adoption.
So, this is the kind of bizarro stuff people say that I seem to encounter much more often than Chaat. You'd think nurses would be more supportive, but I guess I work with such a huge cross-section of people from different backgrounds and countries that people have different opinions(or ignorances). Chaat seems to work with more like-minded people. Although I have to say I've encountered these comments outside of my workplace as well, so I probably just talk about the adoption in general more than Chaat does. Anyway, if anyone has some clever comeback responses to these comments I'd love your input. I'm often rendered speechless, particularly in talking with people I don't know well.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Follow-up
Following up on the last entry, “Waiting Sucks”, our Case Specialist did end up sending a very brief email on the last day of the month to ‘check-in’. I’ve come to realize that our agency isn’t really there to hold our hands or offer any sort of emotional support/resources during this arduous waiting period. Pretty much need to be our own advocates and try and find other resources for comfort. For them it appears to be a perfunctory business transaction, which is difficult, considering it’s something so deeply personal for us. But I’ve heard from others that have been through the whole process with our agency that once it comes time to go to Ethiopia, the agency does a wonderful job of facilitating your stay there, coordinating the transfer of custody efficiently, but also with meaningful ceremonies, and organizing introductions with as many family members, caretakers, and doctors s as possible, so that’s reassuring.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Waiting sucks
Okay, let’s be honest: waiting sucks. I mean if it were a pregnancy (my pregnancy that is) the 9th month might suck due to being physically uncomfortable, but at least I’d know it’s finite. This just seems interminable and it’s so hard not knowing when, or really, if, it’s going to happen. As you know, we’re meant to get a referral anytime between December and June, but meanwhile there’s this deafening silence. Several people with our agency have complained about this silence and consequently the agency supposedly started a new policy: to contact waiting families once a month even though there’s likely no news or updates, just to make human contact. You know – to comfort us and let us know that we’re not forgotten. I thought this was a fabulous idea, particularly because our agency is based in Minneapolis and we’ve never met our Case Specialist, so it’s easy to feel like maybe they’ve lost our paperwork out here in California. This new policy has been in place for 2 months and unfortunately, our Case Specialist has neglected to contact us both months, although there is one day left of this month, so hopefully tomorrow will bring a pleasant surprise. Last month I had to be very persistent in making contact and I was hoping this month would be different.
That’s where it’s at today at the Doddsunturn’s.
That’s where it’s at today at the Doddsunturn’s.
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