It's been challenging dealing with the bizarre comments people make when I tell them we're adopting an Ethiopian child. The most common reactions are:
Many people just fall silent and looked shocked, or may squeeze out one word, like "interesting".
"Wow, how much is that costing you?" This question is most commonly asked by people we don't know well and I find this particularly strange. It's like someone you don't know asking you what your salary is or how much your mortgage is.
"Aren't you terrified that your child will have AIDS?" All the children are tested and screend for HIV, TB, and HepB. If we wanted an HIV+ child, we could have gotten one many months ago because there are many of them and they are not in demand, but we, like most waiting families, want a healthy infant, and this is why there's a wait!
"Oh, you couldn't get pregnant?" This is not only extremely insensitive, but it makes huge assumptions.
"I know someone that adopted and(fill in adoption horror story here)."
"Do you have any real kids?"
"Why does it take so long if those kids really need families?"
"You must be a saint! What a lucky child that will be." More like, how lucky all 3 of us will be! And, we're not adopting to save a child; we're adopting because we want to be parents. 'Saving' a child is definitely a great byproduct of this and we're happy not to be contributing to overpopulation, but these are not the primary reasons for our adoption.
So, this is the kind of bizarro stuff people say that I seem to encounter much more often than Chaat. You'd think nurses would be more supportive, but I guess I work with such a huge cross-section of people from different backgrounds and countries that people have different opinions(or ignorances). Chaat seems to work with more like-minded people. Although I have to say I've encountered these comments outside of my workplace as well, so I probably just talk about the adoption in general more than Chaat does. Anyway, if anyone has some clever comeback responses to these comments I'd love your input. I'm often rendered speechless, particularly in talking with people I don't know well.
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3 comments:
As an adopted Korean, I have definitely observed my mom being asked the "do you have any real children" question, which always confuses and angers me at the same time.
I think that often times comments like that stem from ignorance and a lack of empathy towards another family's situation.
Hang in there!
I didn't forget - but only just thought of a few come backs:
how much is that costing you? "about the same as your boob job/nose job" - whichever you think is more appropriate for the person asking...
do you have any real kids?
"do you have any real brains?"
You must be a saint "actually the vatican canonized me just last month, thanks for recognizing my halo"
Hope that puts a smile on your face at least. Miss you.
Thank you, thank you - these are hilarious and clever comebacks!!! I will definitely use them. Miss you guys too, just home from vacation, will call you this week.
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