Finally, something and nothing all at once. Nothing in that we're still waiting. Something in that we got a message from our agency with a little update! Good news and bad news, one in the same.
Bad news: as our agency was preparing our dossier to be authenticated and forwarded on to Ethiopia, they noticed that two of the four Power of Attorney forms are no longer valid due to staff changes in Ethiopia.
The good news? They're actually doing something! They were preparing our dossier to be authenticated and forwarded on to Ethiopia! (I know I said that already.) The point is, we've had nothing to go on pretty much since our dossier was approved back in December. But now we know they're doing something. That kind of begs the question, What took so long? Shouldn't this have been done in January? We know that there's a wait, but we figured the back up was in Ethiopia, not at the agency.
Now what? The dossier consists of dozens and dozens of documents, four sets of finger prints, all kinds of financial information, four letters of recommendation, and notarization of many of these forms and docs. The powers of attorney, which are notarized, must then be certified by the Secretary of State of California. Basically, state certification proves that the notary is for real. Whatever. hoops and hurdles. At this point, it's nothing we haven't done before. But it's still a drag to have to do any of it again. And we might have to "update" our dossier if this takes much longer. more on that if/when that happens.
So that's where we're at. We've got some tasks to do again. At least there's something. After months of no real news on what's going on behind the scenes, this is something. I'll take it, though I know Bek's not very happy about it!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Awkward comments and questions
It's been challenging dealing with the bizarre comments people make when I tell them we're adopting an Ethiopian child. The most common reactions are:
Many people just fall silent and looked shocked, or may squeeze out one word, like "interesting".
"Wow, how much is that costing you?" This question is most commonly asked by people we don't know well and I find this particularly strange. It's like someone you don't know asking you what your salary is or how much your mortgage is.
"Aren't you terrified that your child will have AIDS?" All the children are tested and screend for HIV, TB, and HepB. If we wanted an HIV+ child, we could have gotten one many months ago because there are many of them and they are not in demand, but we, like most waiting families, want a healthy infant, and this is why there's a wait!
"Oh, you couldn't get pregnant?" This is not only extremely insensitive, but it makes huge assumptions.
"I know someone that adopted and(fill in adoption horror story here)."
"Do you have any real kids?"
"Why does it take so long if those kids really need families?"
"You must be a saint! What a lucky child that will be." More like, how lucky all 3 of us will be! And, we're not adopting to save a child; we're adopting because we want to be parents. 'Saving' a child is definitely a great byproduct of this and we're happy not to be contributing to overpopulation, but these are not the primary reasons for our adoption.
So, this is the kind of bizarro stuff people say that I seem to encounter much more often than Chaat. You'd think nurses would be more supportive, but I guess I work with such a huge cross-section of people from different backgrounds and countries that people have different opinions(or ignorances). Chaat seems to work with more like-minded people. Although I have to say I've encountered these comments outside of my workplace as well, so I probably just talk about the adoption in general more than Chaat does. Anyway, if anyone has some clever comeback responses to these comments I'd love your input. I'm often rendered speechless, particularly in talking with people I don't know well.
Many people just fall silent and looked shocked, or may squeeze out one word, like "interesting".
"Wow, how much is that costing you?" This question is most commonly asked by people we don't know well and I find this particularly strange. It's like someone you don't know asking you what your salary is or how much your mortgage is.
"Aren't you terrified that your child will have AIDS?" All the children are tested and screend for HIV, TB, and HepB. If we wanted an HIV+ child, we could have gotten one many months ago because there are many of them and they are not in demand, but we, like most waiting families, want a healthy infant, and this is why there's a wait!
"Oh, you couldn't get pregnant?" This is not only extremely insensitive, but it makes huge assumptions.
"I know someone that adopted and(fill in adoption horror story here)."
"Do you have any real kids?"
"Why does it take so long if those kids really need families?"
"You must be a saint! What a lucky child that will be." More like, how lucky all 3 of us will be! And, we're not adopting to save a child; we're adopting because we want to be parents. 'Saving' a child is definitely a great byproduct of this and we're happy not to be contributing to overpopulation, but these are not the primary reasons for our adoption.
So, this is the kind of bizarro stuff people say that I seem to encounter much more often than Chaat. You'd think nurses would be more supportive, but I guess I work with such a huge cross-section of people from different backgrounds and countries that people have different opinions(or ignorances). Chaat seems to work with more like-minded people. Although I have to say I've encountered these comments outside of my workplace as well, so I probably just talk about the adoption in general more than Chaat does. Anyway, if anyone has some clever comeback responses to these comments I'd love your input. I'm often rendered speechless, particularly in talking with people I don't know well.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Follow-up
Following up on the last entry, “Waiting Sucks”, our Case Specialist did end up sending a very brief email on the last day of the month to ‘check-in’. I’ve come to realize that our agency isn’t really there to hold our hands or offer any sort of emotional support/resources during this arduous waiting period. Pretty much need to be our own advocates and try and find other resources for comfort. For them it appears to be a perfunctory business transaction, which is difficult, considering it’s something so deeply personal for us. But I’ve heard from others that have been through the whole process with our agency that once it comes time to go to Ethiopia, the agency does a wonderful job of facilitating your stay there, coordinating the transfer of custody efficiently, but also with meaningful ceremonies, and organizing introductions with as many family members, caretakers, and doctors s as possible, so that’s reassuring.
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