Happy Birthday, Bedilu!!

Happy Birthday, Bedilu!
One year ago (10/17/10), you were born.
10 months ago (12/17/10), we learned that you would be our son.
6 months ago (4/17/11) we met you in Ethiopia.
3 months ago (7/17/11) we brought you home.
And today we celebrate your first birthday...together!

It's been two months since our last post and so much has happened. Mostly we try to be present and appreciate every single moment of every single day. We're loving being parents, as exhausting as it can be. But sometimes something has to give, and lately it's been keeping up to date on the blog. We've had all intentions of chronicling the major mile stones and letting people know that it ain't over yet. We still have paperwork!

Here are some milestones worth noting:

• You sat up on your own two days after we took you into our care.
• You transitioned from commando-style crawling(pulling self forward on belly using forearms perpendicular to trunk) to crawling on hands and knees in August.
• You started standing up on your own in September
• You got your first tooth last week! it's just a little white breaking through the gum, but it counts!
• You met your aunt Katie end of August who came out to meet you from NJ. You and she hung out while mom and dad had their first date night in awhile!
  
• You met your Lolo and Lola over Labor Day weekend
• You met your Tita Suerissa and Uncle K2/Keith two weeks ago.
  
• Auntie Liza babysat for the first time and mom and dad went out to see a movie.
  
• You took your first step YESTERDAY! It wasn't big, but you stood up on your own, took a step, and then boom! on your butt.

To all who continue to check the blog, thank you. More photos and stories to come. Really.

Smile for the camera!

I know it's what you've all been waiting for: PICTURES!!
Like any new parent, we've been taking tons of pictures and capturing a bit of video here and there. It's been fun! But the trick is finding the time to download the pix and then of course print or upload. We sent a few pix to Lola and Lolo (my parents) and to Grandpa and Grandma (Bek's parents).

Bedilu is a happy baby and he's pretty photogenic, too!

Thoughts and more images from Ethiopia (first trip)

We've been home with baby B for 3 weeks now and are having so much fun with him. We're finally over the jetlag and now just exhausted from the sleep deprivation that comes with parenthood! We've had some wonderful help from dear friends and family with a few meals, which has been a godsend (I don't think we would've eaten otherwise) and it's been great introducing Bedilu to family and friends. He's gorgeous, happy, open, healthy, and LOVES people. We feel very blessed and there's no doubt amongst any of us (though I can't quite speak for Bedilu) that we were destined to be together, that this is our family and was always meant to be. My heart has never felt so full before.

All the difficult waiting, paperwork, unknowns, and hoops now seem like a distant past, and yet, I will NEVER forget all that we went through to be united with our boy. I think it really deserves much more expression than this blog has given it, but it wasn't an easy thing to write about and I think it will become more approachable with some space. I do intend to write much more about it someday, ideally in book form.

I'm feeling very moved to help all other people I encounter that are trying to adopt; adoptive parents have so few rights and support that I feel we need to advocate for each other. I randomly met a woman in a store the other day who had a failed fost-adopt situation after having the foster child in her home with her and her husband from the child's birth to 9 mos old. The birth mother, a drug addict and on her 8th child that has gone through the foster care system, regained custody of her daughter and needless to say, this woman was devastated. My heart was breaking for her. I got her email and sent her a bunch of info in hopes that she doesn't give up. Perseverance has paid off for us in a huge way, so I want to encourage others to keep trying if it's something they really want.

Anyway, I know you're probably surprised that I'm not goo-goo, ga-ga-ing over Bedilu in this post and telling you more about what he's like, what the experience having him home has been like so far, and posting pictures of him, but this is just what ended up coming out tonight. We have a whole lifetime ahead of us to tell you about him, right?

I can't seem to get these beautiful images out of my mind from our first trip, so just wanted to share a few more pictures. These are from our trek in the mountains and we stayed in these tukuls (huts) in small villages.















































This photo is of a well-known church ceiling in the city of Gondar and I just loved it.

Traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony


Two other couples adopting that we met in Addis and really connected with...

Diddy for Bedilu

A couple of days after returning home with Bedilu, I grabbed my ukulele and wrote him this little diddy. Bekah caught the moment on her iPhone...

Pooper Trooper

Before we left for Ethiopia, Bek and I had dinner with our friends Adrienne and Darren, whose baby boy Henry was born on the very same day as Bedilu. I asked Adrienne what is the one thing that Darren does that makes her life easier as a new mom. I immediately regretted it.

"Darren changes all the diapers."

Inevitably, despite all the best intensions, more parenting responsibility falls on the mother. Probably because things just occur to moms more than they do for dads. Adrienne said it is such a relief to know that that is one thing she doesn't have to worry about or even negotiate. It's Darren's deal and that's that.

Adrienne and Darren got that piece of advice/wisdom from their midwife so they were dropping knowledge on me like a soiled diaper.

So in good humor and good spirit, we made a ceremony of it. Darren knighted me in the First Order of Pooper Troopers.

Home at last!

Just a quick note to let you know that we are home safely after a very long journey. Thanks to all for your love and support and the comments on our blog. We're totally jet lagged and off schedule, as you might imagine. Ethiopia is 10 hrs ahead of California.



Here's a pic from SFO, where we were warmly greeted by some close friends, including Cork, Beer & Roo, Di & little Ansel, and Jill who picked us up in my car. Bek and I big had some woozy vertigo after the long travel and little sleep, so thanks Jill for getting us home safely. And thanks Jill and to cork mike and ruby for the yummee meals to go!

Oh, and another wonderful surprise greeted us when we got home...



Welcome Bedilu from the Fines!

More to come about how we are and the journey. But for now, sleep...

Rainy Season

The weather now is so different from our first trip. It's rainy season now, and they can be torrential! Though this is "summer" the weather is surprisingly cool. I guess the rains bring relief from the heat, but it wasn't even ever that super hot when we were here in April. I guess it's the elevation? With the rains came blackouts. we had power outages for a few hours in the late evening. good thing we brought headlamps! but being in the dark made us tired and everyone went to bed early.

I forgot to mention that Bedilu has a chest cold. You can actually feel some knocking around in his lungs. Apparently it is not uncommon this time of year, as several other of the babies also have the chest cold. Poor baby B! But he's still a happy fellow. We got to hang with him at the guest house for a an hour and half yesterday afternoon. He was awesome for the first 40 mins. super vocal and active. Then he started getting fussy. feed time! we got to try spoon feeding him again, this time with a little less success than earlier in the day. But we managed, and made a little bit of a mess. After taking him back to the care center, Bek and I were exhausted! And we know this is only a taste of what is to come. So with the black out, we went to bed early.

Today we are going to do a little morning excursion by hired car to Putajira, the halfway point between Addis and Hosanna, the town where Bedilu is from. It'll give us a chance to show Bruce some of the countryside. We'll have lunch and turn around. then this afternoon we are meeting up with our local friend Liwam. He is the best friend of our across-the-street-neighbor's brother. (yes they are Ethiopian). We hope he'll be able to show us this hospital that bekah wants to see. She can chime in on that in a later post. We'll probably grab coffee, too. maybe dinner.

then tonight we are going to get ourselves ready for the big day tomorrow!! We'll take Bedilu into care and custody. Embassy and goodbye ceremonies.

love from Ethiopia ~ chaatie & bek

Update #1

Hi all!
long trip to ET. Flew Lufthansa through Frankfurt to Addis. Lufthansa wasn't as nice as we recall, but it was pretty cool to fly on the new A380, the largest passenger plane in the world! But it wasn't as roomy as I thought it would be. 10.5 hrs to Germany, two hour layover, then 6.5 hour flight to Addis. Arrived late last night. takes about an hour or so to do visa, immigration, customs.

Today we got to see Bedilu!! Hung out with him at the orphanage for a couple of hours. Happy to report that the boy looks good! smaller than we thought he would be, but he is a very happy boy, just like papa. He also got to meet one of his grandparents! Bruce is along for the journey, and that has been special. We can't wait to bring Bedilu home to meet his other grandparents, uncles and aunties, and cousins.

The orphanage was also very nice. very friendly staff. We got to change his diaper (boom! that's a lot of poop! but bekah said she's seen more). Also got to feed him. we're back at the guest house for lunch and quick break. we'll pick him up in an hour to bring him back to guest house for a few hours for some hang time and fun. this is great! we're thrilled.

tomorrow's agenda is unclear, thursday is embassy. we'll try to send another update if we can, but internet is spotty. love to all!

And we're off!!!

Hi all. We're at SFO about to check in. What a whirlwind it has been! The last two weeks have been a mad scramble, closing loops at work,


baby showers, getting the house ready for Bedilu, squeezing in our last bits of life as we know it (mountain biking, dinner for two, a movie, etc.). Last night we were up late packing. So typical for us. But we've never packed for a baby before, much less one we haven't seen in 3 months. It feels like guesswork.

We are totally thrilled and excited for the biggest adventure of our lives. I meant to write sooner and in much more depth, but you'll have to settle for this iPhone update on the go!

We're flying Lufthansa to Frankfurt, then to Addis and arriving late Monday. Less layover than on Emirates, and more comfortable plane (Airbus 388, then A340).

Okay, gotta check in...

CLEARED BY EMBASSY!!! 2 WEEKS TO BEDILU!!!

BREAKING NEWS!!
Yesterday morning we got a call from our agency with news that we got clearance from the embassy! That's the last major hurdle. Now it's all about getting him home.

Our appointment with the Embassy is on Thursday, 14 July. We'll leave on Sat 7/9, gone for the week, and home for his 9-month birthday.

We just got the embassy date itinerary and will buy tickets soon. So far the prices are ranging between $2100 and $2400 EACH. That's 50% and more than the $1400 tickets when we went in April. Anyone got some frequent flier miles? Seriously. The choices are United, Lufthansa, or Emirates. Let me know!

More details and the chronicle of our experience to come...

Inside the churches

The contrast of these two versions of Mary and Jesus - the Ethiopian and the European - was so bizaare to see, especially because they were actually placed next to each other in one of the churches, and it seemed that each was regarded equally by the churchgoers.

Lalibela

Lalibela is a town
set high in the mountains of
northern Ethiopia and is known for its beautiful rock-hewn churches. Probably the only good thing that came out of the new two-trip requirement is that it gave us the opportunity to travel a little and get to know more of Ethiopia. If we were picking up Bedilu on our first trip there's no way we would have travelled, as we would've wanted to get home ASAP. So after our week in Addis we traveled north for a week and were lucky enough to see these spectacular sites. The setting of Lalibela alone is mind-blowing; it's perched at an altitude of 8,628 ft amongst wild, craggy mountains and has a very mystical feel about it. There's about 13 churches - all carved below ground level (most likely to hide from the Muslims, as the majority of Ethiopians are Orthodox Christian) in the 12th and 13th centuries. The churches are ringed by trenches and courtyards, and connected to each other by a tangled maze of tunnels and passages.
Anyway, they definitely deserve to be considered one of the wonders of the world and why they aren't is too long a story, but we absolutely loved wandering in and out of them and seeing people in deep prayer during the week of Lent.
It was a very intensely emotional time for us to be in Bedilu's country, but not with him, and yet, seeing his land made me feel more connected to him. I can't wait to tell him about it!

Selam

One of my favorite things in Ethiopia was how when passing people in any city, town, or village outside of Addis Ababa people would look us in the eye and say "Selam!" It literally means peace in Arabic and it's the way all Ethiopians greet each other. These pictures show some of the many people that I exchanged selams with.
It's a beautiful thing to be acknowledged when passing someone on the street or trail. It warms all hearts and coming back to the stone-cold faces in the U.S. made me sad. I know people here feel they're too busy to
acknowledge others or fear they'll expose themselves to
potential danger, but I've been making much more eye contact with people since being back and it feels good.

Winning

I'm not talking Charlie Sheen. More like Rafa Nadal.

I was watching the French Open final this morning, as Rafa defended his title against his rival Roger Federer. While I greatly respect Roger's talents and accomplishments, I remain a big fan of Rafael Nadal. I love his grit, his passion, his focus. He is a brute force of nature, but with the footwork of Fred Astaire and the precision of a surgeon. And he can show some delicate touch when he wants to. Rafa's focus is laser sharp, and he is determined to win. When the chips are down, he pushes even harder. You can never count him out of a point, much less a game or match.

Rafa went on to win in 4 sets. And it is only after winning the final point that Rafa releases. He collapses on the court, usually on his back but today it was on his knees.

That's what it was like for us to pass court. It was like winning a Grand Slam. In tennis, you have to win seven rounds to be the champion. For us, it had been 3 years of waiting, bureaucracy, paperwork, fingerprints, blood, sweat, and definitely tears.

The Ethiopian courts are nothing like you might imagine courts to be like in the U.S. It's more like the DMV. A random, boring building on an unremarkable street. Our bus pulled up in front and immediately there were boys lining up to shine our shoes or sell us gum. We walked up four flights of stairs to the court's waiting room. It wasn't that large, maybe 20x20. There were probably 50 people or more in there, seated on chairs that lined the walls, or standing and milling about in the middle. The signage said "quiet" but everyone was talking. Every now and then, when the din of conversation grew, a staffer would come in and shush. The room was filled with people waiting for the judge, who handles international adoption cases. But the waiting room was filled not only with other hopeful adoptive parents and their agents, but also with natives who were there to relinquish their children to the international adoption process, or who were there to testify about the circumstances under which they found an abandoned child . It was rather intense. You look around, and you realize that we're all here for the same purpose, but coming from different angles of the process.

Adoptive parents are called in with their agents in groups, by agency. The courtroom itself is no bigger than a small office. It's very plain and simple. A single steel desk at one end of the room, behind which the judge sat. An assistant stood next to her with a big stack of documents. There were four adoptive families in our group, and we sat or stood in the crowded office. We passed forward our passports. Family by family, the judge went through her stack of files. Then she asked her questions to us as a group, and we all answered in unison. Have you met the child? Will you teach your adoptive child about his roots and Ethiopian culture? Do you have children? Have you told them of the adoption? Do you understand that this decision is final?

The judge was very soft-spoken, as it seems so many Ethiopians are. Bekah couldn't hear a thing, so she left the office wondering exactly what had just happened. We came in not really expecting to pass on our first try, in part because we are just protecting our hearts but also because we knew so many other families that didn't pass court on their first try or even more. But passing court has nothing to do with our "performance" in court. It's really just a formality and they want to see that you're committed. Passing court is contingent on the Ministry of Women's Affairs, which reviews every case and writes a letter of approval.

It wasn't until we got to the bus and I recapped the events that Bekah understood what happened. "Your contract has been approved. He is yours." When Bekah heard me recount those words, she collapsed and wept. It was a beautiful moment because I knew what this was: a cathartic release. We had just won.

Rafa won his 6th French Open title, tying Bjorn Borg's record, and winning his 10th Grand Slam. He is 25 and has a lot of game left in him. We have passed court, and it feels like our journey is just beginning.

Birth certificate!

Last week, on our 9 year wedding anniversary, we received Bedilu's birth certificate which was both in Amharic and English for each item listed. It was truly amazing to see our names officially printed as his parents and it's an exciting step towards bringing him home. Next is issuing him an Ethiopian passport and then the birth certificate and passport are submitted to the U.S. embassy in Addis Ababa for review. Things are moving along!

Typical street scene in Ethiopia

More about the trip

I've come to the blog at least 20 times since being back home and find myself staring at the screen, unable to write. In part it's just taken awhile to recover from the jetlag, as it's a very long journey and a 10 hr time difference, but also it was such an intense experience - it's hard to put into words.

Meeting Bedilu was thrilling and surreal. He fell into our arms without hesitation or protest and it felt natural and meant to be. We were with one other adoptive family in the same room and they were meeting their 10 month old girl. The said they thought Bedilu really looked like a combination of Chaat and I! We were happy that he's filled out so much and doesn't seem underweight anymore. We talked to him, tried to tickle him, and stared into his beautiful eyes for the 90 min we had with him. Towards the end of our visit Chaat was holding him and sang "Hold Me Tight"by the Beatles, but balladized it. While he was singing I was looking at Bedilu, holding on to his feet, and we maintained really great eye contact for quite awhile. It was a precious moment with the three of us. Then we had to say goodbye, which of course came way too fast, and yet it wasn't quite as difficult as I expected. I think I've learned to protect my heart so many times in this process that I was actually prepared for having to leave him. Not all was rosy in meeting Bedilu; it's really difficult meeting your child in an orphanage in the 3rd world, and as much as you read about it or imagine it, there's nothing like the reality of seeing it. Conditions are extremely tough and there were some issues, but none I really want to talk about, as at this point in the homestretch it's important to stay positive.

The rest of the time in Ethiopia was spent meeting and bonding with other adoptive families (so helpful!), going on some cultural outings, seeing Lucy at the National History Museum, taking care of business with our agency, and going to court. Then we trekked in the mountains up north for a few days, stayed with locals in huts, saw some absolutely phenomenal historical sites, and really got familiar with Ethiopian culture and customs. The scenery was breathtaking and we were deeply moved by the whole experience. Ethiopia is a fascinating country and despite how incomprehensible and tragic the poverty often feels, there's a very peaceful, elegant energy that pervades the country. I felt incredibly humbled the whole time I was there and also lucky that Bedilu brought me to an amazing country that I probably would've never known otherwise.

The First Family Photos

Welcome to the family, Bedilu!
We know you've all been itching to see this. Here are a few photos to whet your appetite. But please respect our privacy and do not share or forward. Also, please refrain from making comments or references on Facebook until we "come out" with it. We've been on the DL as we decompress and process the whole experience. We'll let the world know when we're ready.

"Your contract has been approved. He is yours."

Those are the words the judge spoke at our court hearing on April 20th. Bedilu is ours!

Just a quick note to let you all know that we passed our court date. It was unexpected, as we tried to prepare for the worst and expected more delays. In December, 16 families from our agency appeared for their court date and only one passed on the first try. So we were thrilled to get through on the first pass. Now we wait for our Embassy date, when we will return to bring him home. Not sure what that timeline will be, but it could be late summer.

Bekah and I returned to California on Friday after a whirlwind two weeks in Ethiopia. The first week was dedicated to "business." We arrived on a Saturday, were given our week's itinerary and learned that we would be meeting Bedilu on Sunday. Our court date was that Wednesday. The whole experience has been rather intense, and we'll get into more of all that in another post. For now, I just wanted to give the quick update with the good news.

The second week of our trip was spent traveling around the north of Ethiopia, visiting a couple of sites on the "historical circuit." We also did a few days trekking across the highlands near Lalibela, where we got to see how most people outside of the major cities live. We've got a ton of photos and we'll share a few after we get a chance to pick the best of the hundreds we took.

We love Ethiopia and are thrilled to have had the opportunity to get to know its people, culture, landscape, and history while we were there. That said, it is SOOOO good to be back home! We missed our home, our cats, our bed, the great food, fresh produce, dairy products, the weather, my bike, and of course our friends and family.

Thanks again to everyone for your interest and support!

Leaving, on a jet plane

Excellent - I've found yet another reason to procrastinate on packing by doing a blog post! Chaat and I leave tommorrow and WE are OUT OF OUR MINDS with EXCITEMENT!!! Major butterflies and hearts absolutely BURSTING with love for our son. It's so astounding to me the love that we feel for this little being that we've never met. I keep picturing an intricate web of ties that bond us and multiply daily.

A few days ago we received what's called a 'social report' from our agency; it's a really lovely compilation of updated photos of Bedilu and descriptions of his personality, daily activities, and development. Mind you, up til now we've only gotten just a handful of pictures of him and they were from several months ago. It completely blew us away - he looked sooooo different. He has gained much weight and is actually a chunky monkey now! He looks so healthy and happy and it assured us that he is getting good care in the orphanage. Some of the photos showed him interacting with the other kiddos and it was absolutely adorable. We feel extreme relief and can hardly wait to hold him.

We have several days in Addis Ababa(the capital of Ethiopia) where we'll be taking care of business and staying in what's called a 'guesthouse' provided by our agency. There will be other adoptive families there also either for their court date and to meet their children like us, or others that are there for their second trip and embassy date when they'll bring their child home. I think it's going to be absolutely amazing to meet these other families and imagine we'll form lifelong relationships.

After a few days of cultural outings in Addis, we go on a 6+ hr round-trip bus ride to the rural orphanage and meet Bedilu! I've heard it's a beautiful ride and gives a great opportunity to get to know the southern region, which is very lush, unlike the arid north. We're told we'll only have about an hour and a half with him, as it's a long day trip. Can't really wrap my head around this part, and leaving him, but my goal if to be 100% present while having this precious time with him.

The next day we go to court, give our testimony, answer a bunch of questions, tell the judge why we want to adopt from Ethiopia, what we've done to prepare, etc... Then Chaat and I go north for another week to check out significant Ethiopian history, rock-hewn churches, spend time with locals, and be the eyes and ears for Bedilu so that we can talk to him about his country someday.

As twisted and fu#%cked up this process has been as a means of uniting with our child, I actually feel certain that it's the right path. Things are coming into focus now and I've realized so much about myself, like that I really never did have the desire to be pregnant or give physical birth (however, I definitely see all sorts of parallels and metaphors for being pregnant right now and will have to post about that another time!). For reasons not altogether clear yet, I am certain that this is EXACTLY what we are meant to be doing and see that I'm lucky to have the opportunity to come to motherhood in such a unique way. It feels like the perfect fit for our personalities and sense of adventure.

Okay, so now I really do have to pack. Chaat and I are chronically unprepared for trips, always packing up until the last hour and staying up all night, ugh! Probably won't post at all in Ethiopia, as we'll be busy and they have frequent power outages, undependable internet. So here we go, on the trip of a lifetime, woo-hoo!!!