Winning

I'm not talking Charlie Sheen. More like Rafa Nadal.

I was watching the French Open final this morning, as Rafa defended his title against his rival Roger Federer. While I greatly respect Roger's talents and accomplishments, I remain a big fan of Rafael Nadal. I love his grit, his passion, his focus. He is a brute force of nature, but with the footwork of Fred Astaire and the precision of a surgeon. And he can show some delicate touch when he wants to. Rafa's focus is laser sharp, and he is determined to win. When the chips are down, he pushes even harder. You can never count him out of a point, much less a game or match.

Rafa went on to win in 4 sets. And it is only after winning the final point that Rafa releases. He collapses on the court, usually on his back but today it was on his knees.

That's what it was like for us to pass court. It was like winning a Grand Slam. In tennis, you have to win seven rounds to be the champion. For us, it had been 3 years of waiting, bureaucracy, paperwork, fingerprints, blood, sweat, and definitely tears.

The Ethiopian courts are nothing like you might imagine courts to be like in the U.S. It's more like the DMV. A random, boring building on an unremarkable street. Our bus pulled up in front and immediately there were boys lining up to shine our shoes or sell us gum. We walked up four flights of stairs to the court's waiting room. It wasn't that large, maybe 20x20. There were probably 50 people or more in there, seated on chairs that lined the walls, or standing and milling about in the middle. The signage said "quiet" but everyone was talking. Every now and then, when the din of conversation grew, a staffer would come in and shush. The room was filled with people waiting for the judge, who handles international adoption cases. But the waiting room was filled not only with other hopeful adoptive parents and their agents, but also with natives who were there to relinquish their children to the international adoption process, or who were there to testify about the circumstances under which they found an abandoned child . It was rather intense. You look around, and you realize that we're all here for the same purpose, but coming from different angles of the process.

Adoptive parents are called in with their agents in groups, by agency. The courtroom itself is no bigger than a small office. It's very plain and simple. A single steel desk at one end of the room, behind which the judge sat. An assistant stood next to her with a big stack of documents. There were four adoptive families in our group, and we sat or stood in the crowded office. We passed forward our passports. Family by family, the judge went through her stack of files. Then she asked her questions to us as a group, and we all answered in unison. Have you met the child? Will you teach your adoptive child about his roots and Ethiopian culture? Do you have children? Have you told them of the adoption? Do you understand that this decision is final?

The judge was very soft-spoken, as it seems so many Ethiopians are. Bekah couldn't hear a thing, so she left the office wondering exactly what had just happened. We came in not really expecting to pass on our first try, in part because we are just protecting our hearts but also because we knew so many other families that didn't pass court on their first try or even more. But passing court has nothing to do with our "performance" in court. It's really just a formality and they want to see that you're committed. Passing court is contingent on the Ministry of Women's Affairs, which reviews every case and writes a letter of approval.

It wasn't until we got to the bus and I recapped the events that Bekah understood what happened. "Your contract has been approved. He is yours." When Bekah heard me recount those words, she collapsed and wept. It was a beautiful moment because I knew what this was: a cathartic release. We had just won.

Rafa won his 6th French Open title, tying Bjorn Borg's record, and winning his 10th Grand Slam. He is 25 and has a lot of game left in him. We have passed court, and it feels like our journey is just beginning.