He's growing! We're traveling!

What a week (or two) it has been. When we last posted, we were still processing the news about the cutbacks in Ethiopian adoptions. Our agency, along with other agencies, non-profits, NGOs, and other stakeholders, were scrambling to assess the impacts. No one really knows anything except that it's likely everything will take longer, and that can't be good. That said, we have our referral and we have a court date, so we have every expectation that this will move forward and happen. And that is so much more than so many families still waiting.

But what was it exactly we were waiting for? We had signed up for a relatively healthy baby, but it had been several weeks since we got any update on Bedilu's condition. Was he gaining weight? Deteriorating? If he's not doing well, what would happen with an even longer stay in the orphanage? With nothing reported, our imaginations were free to run wild. And inevitably they weren't positive thoughts.

All this was happening as I was about to leave for the east coast. What horrible timing to go away when Bekah and I had so much to process. It was tough, but I was fortunate to have some quality time with my siblings to talk about it.

Bekah and I were frustrated with our agency, feeling stonewalled for information, though our case worker is generally supportive and responsive. Granted, the situation in Ethiopia is unpredictable, but we felt that was too convenient an excuse when other waiting families we knew were getting updates. So we pressed them again, this time voicing our shock and disappointment and letting them know we felt like we were slipping through the cracks of a big organization. Lo and behold, the next day the Mayo Clinic report magically appeared! and what good news it bore: Bedilu gained weight! And the doctor report was generally positive, though he is still undernourished and gradually recovering.

With that good news, Bekah and I felt relieved and positive once again. Good timing, too, because we needed to nail down our travel for the court date. So we pulled the trigger and bought our tickets! We're heading to Ethiopia for the court date and to meet our boy!

Another wonderful surprise came from our agency this morning: a new growth report from the orphanage. Bedilu had gained more weight and is catching up with his younger cousin, my niece Keira. A very welcome development!

Stay Calm and Carry On

No news yet on how the new changes will effect us. I think there's several meetings going on between the DOS, MOWA and JCICS and they are still trying to figure out how this is all going to shake out.

All I know is my heart is growing weary on this seemingly endless road. I'm pissed off and exhausted.

Friends and acquaintances often say "Why don't you try domestic adoption?" and I know they're only doing it with the best of intentions, but believe me when I say that all adoptions are challenging and domestic has it's major risks and unknowns as well. We have friends with first-hand accounts. This IS the current world of adoptions and part of why I'm doing the blog is to be honest about it. It hasn't always been this way, however. It used to be easier and those that have had quick, problem-free adoptions are very lucky.

Anyway that aside, now that we've been matched with a child, it's not simple to switch gears; we think of Bedilu as our son. And this is the end of the road for us: it's Bedilu or bust, as this process has gone on long enough. So meanwhile, we're proceeding as if and got our travel vaccinations this weekend - heavy duty ones like Yellow Fever and Typhoid - luckily no bad reactions so far. We got prescriptions for malaria meds, etc...and are hoping for the best.

I think now is a good time to pick another slogan from the Chicken Soup for the Adoptive Parent's Soul. Ok, so the first few I picked didn't quite speak to me: "You have everything you need", uh bullshit (I know you won't be offended Sarah)! The second one was "Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past". The third one resonated: "Stay calm and carry on".

Ethiopia Moves to Sharply Reduce Foreign Adoptions

These are not the words you want to read in the headlines. But on March 10, that is exactly the headline as it read in an article published by the Associated Press. Follow the hyperlink to the original story.

In a nutshell, the Department of State (DOS) said that Ethiopia announced that it is implementing changes that could reduce the number of foreign adoptions by up to 90%. They went on to warn that pending applications to adopt from Ethiopia could be delayed significantly, perhaps up to six months or more. Basically, Ethiopia's new policy calls for its Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs to process no more than five adoption cases per day. Up until Thursday, they had been processing up to 50 per day.

Nobody really knows how this is going to affect waiting families, but it's not good news. Our agency--and all international adoption agencies in Ethiopia--are scrambling to assess what the impact will be. DOS says that the reason given for implementing the reduction was for the Ministry, with its limited resources, to improve its screening of each case, to reduce or eliminate fraud and trafficking. The Joint Council on International Children's Services (JCICS), which represents many U.S. adoption agencies, calls the plan "a tragic, unnecessary and disproportionate reaction to concerns of isolated abuses."

There is no silver lining on this. But if there is any comfort to be had in all this, it is that we have a referral and a court date. If we did not have a referral, prospects would be very, very grim and we would be in total despair. If we had referral but no court date, we would be pretty depressed. But we're already matched and we were assigned a court date before this announcement was made. So we find some comfort in that, but we are devastated for all those other waiting families that aren't as far in the process as we are.

However, we don't know if our court date will stand. Our agency had instructed us to hold off on booking our flight until they finalize our meeting and court itineraries. And now this news complicates things. Meanwhile, we are proceeding with our travel planning. Our neighbors across the street are from Ethiopia and are giving us some guidance, getting all the necessary vaccinations and doing travel research to figure out our trip. We know we want to take the opportunity to get to know our son's country of origin while we're over there.

This is all pretty new and it is an ever-changing process. Uncharted territory. Nobody knows anything, but we're trying to keep abreast of all the changes and will keep you posted, too.

Results of Mayo Clinic MD visit

Soooo, we FINALLY heard about the Mayo Clinic MD's visit to the orphanage! Here's the verbatim, brief email from our case specialist:

"Just a quick note from the volunteer physicians who visited Bedilu. They said he is doing better. Nothing stood out for them. They said he is slightly delayed but is holding his head well when on his tummy and pushing up. They said the head nurse was present and they told her that they want him fed every 2-3 hours instead of the 6X a day he had been fed. They also want straight milk and they removed two of his feedings that had been cereal and changed them to milk. They said he is doing some vocalization."

We are very relieved to get this news. It's not quite the written medical assessment that this nursey here would've expected, but it's really good news. The part about being delayed doesn't worry us because we know that's par for the course for any child in an orphanage; the lack of one-on-one attention causes developmental delays, but they usually catch up after several months in a loving home. It seems very clear now that they don't feel transfer to Addis is justifiable and aren't considering it, which is good in a way because we don't want him to NEED the transfer, but it would've been great if he could've been, just to know he's in better care. All in all though, very pleased to hear this!

Chicken Soup for the Adoptive Parent's Soul

One of Chaat's x-coworkers, Sarah Allen, gifted us the most amazingly wonderful present a few weeks ago. She lives in Washington D.C. and actually thought to send us a big envelope full of small pieces of paper that she wrote slogans on - each containing a different piece of sage advice, hope, affirmation, or something to simply make us crack up laughing. She said to randomly pick one from the envelope whenever the mood strikes. The first one I chose was "He is coming to you". How auspicious is that?!!! When you see that she didn't even write these specific to our situation, it's clear how truly auspicious it was.

Apparently Sarah had written these awhile ago for a friend of hers that was going through a tough time (not an adoption) and the friend said it helped her so much that she gave them back to her and told her she should pass them on to someone else going through difficulties. So Sarah passed them on to us and labeled them "Chicken Soup for the Adoptive Parent's Soul". And chicken soup it is; it's been so helpful and healing for me. Yesterday, after feeling completely friggin' fed up with not getting any news about Bedilu's growth or the visit from the Mayo MDs, I blindly picked one out of the envelope and it said "Decide today that you don't give a shit". It was exactly what I needed to hear, made me able to let go and feel better with the not knowing, and put a huge smile on my face.

Tonight I picked one and it said "You are brave. You are courageous". This process has certainly made me more of each of those things, no doubt.

Thank you Sarah! You are truly an angel.

Travel dates?

A couple of people have asked what our travel dates will be after reading Wednesday's exciting news of our court date. We wish we knew! As you've undoubtedly noticed so far, nothing about this process is simple, easy, or efficient, so we're trying to get used to that being the status quo. What we are waiting on is for our agency to send us an itinerary and that's based on when the birth family/person who found child is available to meet with us. I'll talk about birth family/finder in a future post.

Part of why we chose our particular agency is that they facilitate this meeting, which not only proves that the child has been voluntarily relinquished (not kidnapped, which sadly does happen), but it gives us this amazing opportunity to find out more about our child and ask any questions we may have. We can also take pictures of her/him/them and later show them to Bedilu so that he has as much of his history in Ethiopia as possible. We think this transparency that our agency provides is really important and special. Needless to say, it's probably going to be the most intense encounter of our lives and I'm sure many tears will be shed.

Anyway, that's what we're waiting on to know our exact travel dates, but it'll be very close to our court date on 4/20/11, so it's probably safe to say we'll be leaving for Ethiopia on 4/15 or 4/16.

COURT DATE, yippie!!!

So, we've been on pins and needles waiting for several things: news on whether or not Bedilu will be transferred to Addis, news from the Mayo Clinic MDs visit, and any updates on his growth measurements. Needless to say, it's been very difficult to wait so long with no updates and although we still haven't received news on these things, we did get a WONDERFUL piece of news which is that we've been scheduled for a court date for April 20th! This is EXTREMELY exciting for us because it means that there is progress and we can finally schedule our first trip to Ethiopia (where court is held). And we're a major step closer to getting Bedilu home. Once we pass court he will legally be our child. Chaat wrote a good explanation of how court works in his post titled "Timelines" if you want to refer to that.

Of course we're super anxious to get an update on Bedilu's health, particularly given our MD's concern, but we've learned that internet access is being limited in Ethiopia because of the political unrest that's occurring in neighboring countries, so it's made getting news from there quite difficult. We're hoping to get some new info from our agency any day now.

You may not want to read the following because I'm just going to vent about stuff that's been bottled up the last month (more for me just to get it out). It never ceases to amaze me how just when my patience is worn so thin and I think I can't bare it anymore, so much so to the point of seriously considering dropping out of this crazy process, something happens that instills a glimmer of hope again. For the last month I've been a wreck inside, thinking about Bedilu and our inability to be with him or care for him. It's amazing how attached we already feel to this little being that we've never met; the attachment started the minute we got our referral in December and read his story and saw his picture. I've also just felt really helpless and angry about how everything is being handled, but I've learned that adoption agencies (not just ours) actually have little control over what happens in the country where the children are. Of course they have some influence and can ask things,carefully request things while being culturally sensitive, but ultimately the Ethiopian gov't is in charge and it's their system, their children. It's a hard pill to swallow and not one I was prepared for when embarking on this. The local agency that we did our adoption homestudy with should have educated us better about all this and it's something I plan on giving them feedback about. The agency that we're doing the international adoption part through is a different one located in Minnesota and they certainly are doing all they can to advocate for us, but this is basically the reality of IA.